Tipu kharoos Series Fatah by Muhammad Waseem Baloch

About this novelette

Tipu Kharoos Series: Fatah (Urdu: ٹیپو کھڑوس سیریز: فتح) by Muhammad Waseem Baloch is a complete Urdu comedy about a grumpy, broke businessman. Tipu Kharoos runs his office from under an umbrella, helped by a munshi who is far too emotional for the job.

The story opens with the state of Tipu’s “office”: just a big umbrella with a table and a few chairs underneath, where no customer has had the honour of sitting for the last three days. For days Tipu and his munshi have spent the entire day sitting there swatting flies. It’s eleven in the morning, the munshi still hasn’t shown up, and Tipu has dozed off in his chair – until he is woken by the sound of someone wailing. He looks around in alarm and finds his munshi sitting across from him, sobbing his heart out.

“Have some shame, yaar! Why are you spreading bad luck first thing in the morning? Business is already slow, and on top of that you’ve started playing a sad Akram Rahi cassette – I thought someone had died!” Tipu scolds, stretching. The munshi protests through tears that Tipu is the one spreading bad luck by sleeping in his chair every morning. Tipu snaps back and demands to know why he’s crying. “Sir ji, Danish has died,” the munshi wails, his tears flowing like a drain pipe.

چھتری کے نیچے دفتر، مکھیاں مارتا ٹیپو، اور روتا ہوا منشی۔

Tipu, saddened, prays that Allah grant him Jannat, and sympathetically asks if he was a relative. No, sir. A friend? Not a friend either. Tipu’s temper shoots up: “If he wasn’t your friend or your relative, then who is he that you’re mourning like this?” He bangs his fist on the table. “Sir ji, Danish – the hero of the drama Mere Paas Tum Ho – has died,” the munshi finally explains. Tipu stares at him as if horns have sprouted on his head, threatens in colourful language to smash his brinjal-shaped face and fit zero-watt bulbs in place of his eyes, and finally sends him off to order two cups of tea and stop wasting his tears.

Muhammad Waseem Baloch writes in a quick, desi comic style full of exaggerated insults and everyday Pakistani humour – the Tipu Kharoos series is meant purely for laughs.

You can read Tipu Kharoos Series: Fatah online here or download the complete PDF for free. More by Waseem Baloch: Khilari, Ishq La-Zawal Hota Hai and Kaho To Laut Jate Hain, or see all Waseem Baloch novels.